I know it may not seem like it - especially in moments when they're driving you crazy with their behaviour. But it is true... Kids want your love. They want you to love, approve, and appreciate them.
Ultimately, kids don't like it when you're upset with them. They're like you. They like it when people get along. They like it when others are pleased with them. So one of the most important things to keep in mind when you're using behaviour charts is where you're coming from.
The kids will be able to tell which place you're coming from when you set them up with the behaviour chart. They'll know whether you're trying to get rid of behaviours you hate or you're trying to support them in doing better. So how do you come from a loving place instead of a hateful place when you're using the behaviour charts?
Focus on the Good
Instead of focusing so much on all of the behaviours you want to fix and get rid of, spend some time remembering the amazing things your child or student has done. You might even make a list of a few of these and share them with the child. Then you can let her know that the behaviour chart is here to help her be able to add more items to this growing list.
Remember a Mentor
Reconnect with your own memories of an adult who supported you when you were a child. Remember how good it felt to feel respected by this adult? Wouldn't it feel great to know that you were that person in this child's life? The one who believed in him and who helped him feel inspired to do his best?
You can become more like that adult by giving to this child in the same way your mentor gave to you when you were little.
Find things to Like
Not all of the behaviours you want to change in your child or student are terrible behaviours. Can you find something to like about the behaviour? For example: Most parents hate it when their children say, "No!"
But would you still hate that behaviour if your child said no to getting in a car with a stranger? How about if your child said no to someone offering them a cigarette? Or some drugs?
Having the confidence and self-assurance to say no can be a really valuable skill. Can you appreciate that your child or student is exercising a powerful life skill?
Finding something to like about the behaviour can take some of the sting out of it. When you can appreciate that saying no is actually something you value sometimes, it may help you come from a more loving place when your child says no to doing something you want them to do.
Give Yourself Some Love Too
Coming from a loving place when you're using the behaviour charts won't necessarily be easy. The truth is that it can be really frustrating when the kids in your life aren't behaving the way you
want them to.
So be gentle with yourself as you're learning to implement behaviour charts with the kids in your life. Both you and your child/student will appreciate some love and patience.
Article reprinted from www.FreeBehaviorCharts.com
You can download free behaviour charts here